My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You pole danced in your parka.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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