Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
