The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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