my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
