What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
