finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come on in and take your pants off
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