yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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