She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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