We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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