My friends, they love my intelligence
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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