i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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