You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
