Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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