Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
