nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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