Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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