I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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