I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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