Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
