I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
