when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
