What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i drank out of a bidet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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