I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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