If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
