Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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