Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
