He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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