im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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