When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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