Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
