My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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