she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
