Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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