You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
