Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
only you would photoshop your dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
