You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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