We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
