I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it glows. i had to have it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
