I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
