So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just pee around me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
