i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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