Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
