Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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