Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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