some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
