I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize