i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
