The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
