i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
