i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dicks are not precious.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
