I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
