Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
