Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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