i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
