Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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