did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
