If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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