I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
