woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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