If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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