The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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