You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
