I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
