someone owes me an orgasm
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
