just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
