I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want a musical about memes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize