I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize