the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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