im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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