Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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