Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
